LONELY GIRL

Sometimes I'm super lonely... 

In elementary, Junior High and High School, I always had a group of friends, people I could call and talk to and especially people I could be around and socialize with.  But it's my 3rd year in Logan and I still don't have a group of friends.  Is this normal?  I feel like I'm very friendly and put myself out there but its like all these groups of friends are already formed and its so so so hard to join a group of friends.  For example:  It would be odd to add some random girl to our girls club... We girls have been friends forever... See what I mean.  I don't really know how to change this and get myself into other peoples friendship "clubs".  I've thought, maybe I just need to call the people in that group and see if they are doing anything but I don't want to become annoying. 

 I thought I would enjoy having my own room at school, turns out it provides more alone time in which I can cry and feel lonely... ha ha when I have a roommate, I buck up, laugh it off, have someone to vent to and hardly ever cry because I don't want to cry in front of anyone.  This has become very frustrating to me. 

I'm 20 years old and don't even know how to find solid friends.  Yikes... I miss you girls.  I'm feeling a little lost in life right now, its a weird time for me, trying to decide if I should serve a mission, or just stay in school or take time off so I can work so I can actually afford school and since I manage and live with 20ish girls, I only see girls all stinkin day long, I want some men! Suggestions?  Ideas?  Comfort?  Anything... 

I'm Hungry

Sometimes I don't know what to do for dinner. Like right now I'm STARVIN' but nothing sounds good enough to make. But I am out of TP and need to go to the store anywahhhhyz BUT I know better than to go to the store hungry.

What do you guys do for food? What do you always have around? Do you usually have dinner or just end up snacking or making a sandwich? I WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU DO! haha

But seriously.

hmmm.... :)

Once upon a time.... I got kissed by a boy last night and it was fun.... THE END

Random Thoughts

It has been a nice Summer.  At the beginning I was really worried because Summer was beginning and I didn't have a summer job... I still don't. So I've been just enjoying not having a daily job but pick up random jobs as much as possible, I've done some house cleaning and organizing for Scott's aunt and grandma and I do a bit of hair and waxing  and temp work to make sure we can pay our bills.

In April I started this weight loss challenge for to get rid of the weight I gained after getting married. It was a biggest loser competition with some of Scotty's relatives and other random people. The deal was you had to lose at least 1lb a week or you had to pay ten bucks. I only had to pay once. and at the end whoever lost the most percentage got the pot. I won :) I lost 21 pounds in ten weeks and lost 10% of my body weight. I haven't quite collected all of the money yet so I don't know how much I won but I feel pretty good about it.

Growing up means missing out on a bunch of fun stuff, I've found. My family is going to Lake Powell, my favorite place, next week but Scott has to work that whole week and it's his birthday on the 24th so I can't bring myself to go without him. We will do other fun things like the Preston Rodeo but it's hard to have to miss the Powell trip. Also, Scott's family is going to Disneyland, another of my favorite places, but it is the week that I go back to work at the school so we can't go, again. But at least we were invited. We get forgotten a lot it seems because people forget that we are still family or something, just because we are married. haha. It is getting a little bit better but it is still quite annoying.

It has been nice to actually have time to spend with Scotty because when school starts again... on Monday we go back to hardly ever seeing each other. It sucks but it makes us really enjoy the time we do get to spend together. It's crazy how little you can see someone that you live in the same house and sleep in the same bed with.

I am going back to school on the 27th at Weber. I'm signed up for 4 classes... just starting small and they are basic classes since I don't even have my generals done... HERE WE GO! I'm excited to start school again. But just about everyday I will leave my apartment at 7:30a.m. and return around 9p.m. Shoot, I am going to have to be so organized and I will be lucky to see my husband 2 times during the week before I go to bed. It'll suck but hopefully I will be so busy that I won't notice so much.

I just realized recently that I am really needy and I never thought of myself as needy but I don't like being alone. When I lived at home I never really could be alone so it has taken some getting used to that I have a little downtime by myself. I feel like a puppy sometimes because I don't have unlimited people to go on walks with and to cook and clean with so I beg scott to whenever we get the chance. I'm a lone ranger most of my days and it has taken a year to get used to but I am finally starting to like it. I'm getting along better being alone and don't absolutely "NEED" someone to entertain me all the time.

These are my ramblings. Hope it was all you ever dreamed of and more!

Oh... and I joined a book club... I am reading "The Graveyard Book." I'm only like ten pages into it... I don't know how long I will last in this club because I am bad at reading books. But my hope is that I will get better at committing to a book and reading the whole thing in shorter periods of time... No success yet. I've found that I am really bad at finishing something I start. Like movies. There are SOOOO many movies that I have started and never finished because I get bored and stop listening. Or I fall asleep. I can even watch an entire movie and not get a single thing out of it because my mind was thinking about other things. I guess I have a really low attention span. I think there may be something wrong with me. Just Saying!

Love you all!