Kids

Hi Girlfriends,

I’ve been thinking a lot about family and childhood. The foundation of the rest of our lives gets built with the help of parents, siblings, and friends. We all definitely recognize that, I believe. We all know just how much our family shaped us and continues to shape us every single day. And we all know how important our healthy childhood friendships were. And that’s why we are all doing alright. We all have a whole lot of love around us, and have from the second we were born. I’m so grateful that so much of my childhood was spent doing really beautiful, positive things with you girls. We were so creative. So fun. So energetic, as a group. We did so much stuff, it’s unreal. We really lived as kids. We played. And our parents trusted us and our friends. We all had different relationships with each of our parents. Tammy and Curtis were parents to us all. We probably ate more of their food than anyone else’s. And they made us each feel at home. I just had this memory of dropping down a really cool clothes shoot. I think it was at Jo’s house. Like a hole in the ground in that closet. Dang, that was fun. 

So anyways, I’m really grateful for the life I’ve lived so far. From age 3 I’ve known Crystal. I swear I remember Camille coming home from the hospital. She has always been the little sister I didn’t have. Jo had to have tested her way into the trio soon after that. Boy did we give her hell. Sorry Jo. That was weird of us/me, and I’m sorry. You were such a vital part of our group. Enter Becca when we’re both in preschool at Connie Krammer’s. I remember one time I called Becca (801.298.3602) when she lived in Bountiful, and we were super excited to play. She said “let me ask my mom” and in the background I could hear her start crying and yelling and being so sad and mad. Eventually Robin came to the phone and told me Becca can’t play today. I was so sad. And we couldn’t even text about it, we had to just know we were both so sad. Then Emi shows up and becomes each of our best friend. I think it’s so cool how Emi has always had a different relationship with each of us. I guess we all have different relationships, but Emi felt like the glue between all of our hard edges. You know what I mean? 

And now, here we are, all in different places doing different things. It kinda seemed like we really would all stay right where we were. We have, in a sense. I doubt any of our families will ever leave Centerville. It’s our home. We all drive home, probably often. We drive up the church street to get home, the path we walked countless times. Or up Pages Lane, the gateway to Dicks. Or past the Cemetery, thinking every time of the people we know there. I’ve been thinking about Centerville a lot too - growing up in the suburbs. I love cities with all my heart now, so I don’t see myself ever living in a suburb, but who knows. I loved my childhood, and a suburb childhood is different than a city childhood. But what I’ve learned of city childhoods from my friends who grew up in one is that city childhood is awesome too. So while I’m grateful for my childhood, I recognize that I will be okay to do things differently in my life. That my kids will still have good friends, good experiences. Kids are kids all over the world. 

I’ve been thinking about all this so much because life is taking another shift for me. I’m going to have one of these tiny kids for myself. My best friend and I have discovered we are pregnant. A Gilmore-Brewer hybrid will be joining us July 21st, give or take a day or three. I’ve always been a sucker for summer birthdays :) I found out in November, so I’ve had a couple months to process the news. Yesterday I was thinking about this little child and thought “Holy smokes, I am SO excited to be a mom. I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I wanted 9 to 11 kids. It used to be 8, but then Jordan Pitt said he wanted between 9 and 11 (this was in the 7th grade), so I realized I too wanted 9 to 11. These days I’m down to a more realistic 3 or 4, but I’ve always wanted those 3 or 4. I just haven’t known when, or with who. 

I am so grateful to be with Dave for this. It feels weird, taking these new steps in a different order than we both expected, but we feel peaceful and confident about it. We love each other, and now that I’ve loved I can say I’ve never known love before. And having a baby growing inside of me does nothing but feed that love. It’s a wonderful thing. We plan to get married, but not soon. It will probably be in 2-5 years. We are in no rush. We are broke, as I’m sure we all are, and have no intention to bust out a half-planned marriage really quick. I’d rather die. But when we do marry, you’re all invited. Before then, you’re all invited to love my child, because I’m sure I’ll need help :) 

I’m really so excited to hang out with a baby all day. Dave is working hard to support us, already. Since I moved home from Green River (in early December, largely because of this baby) I haven’t had a job. I’ve been living off of Dave. It is hard for me to combine finances so dependently. We’ve been taking care of each other since the day we met, but now we are doing so because we are a family, beginning in 6 months. I’m so grateful - it means I get to spend my time doing what I want to do. I’m helping Dave out a lot at the Collective, he needs the help, but I sleep when I want to (and boy did I sleep a lot the last couple months. Crystal, I’m sure you get it), and I work when I want to, and I report to my partner, who actually reports to me in this relationship. It’s nice to wear the pants, eh? Men are suckers for Women. The cuties. 

We will probably post something online soon. We’ve been meaning to, but have been pretty swamped with stuff this month. So I wanted to tell you girls first, even though I should have posted something a month ago. We needed our own time to process this coming change, so it’s been really nice, actually. But it will be even nicer not keeping it a secret anymore. Secrets are hard to keep. 

I love you all. I’m grateful for the influence you’ve had on me. I am not afraid of being a mom. I think it will be the best adventure I’ll ever have. Thanks for the love, all these years. I’d like to be a better friend this year. It’s hard for me, for some reason. I’m ultimately kind of a hermit. But I’m happy with it, so it’s a constant struggle. Anyways, I love you guys. I’m flying to New York today (thursday), so if you call or text I may not be around. I’d love to catch up, though. Maybe we could all try to post in the next few weeks. Post some stories, some hardships, some lessons learned and discoveries made. I’m sure we all have our struggles, we are all in our early twenties, and life is hard. So let’s share our stories more. We all have very different lives and have a lot to learn from each other. 

Happy Thursday everyone. I love you. 

Forever,
Jessie