1. The beginning of last year was a tough one for me. I was in school which I absolutely HATED. I wasn't studying anything specific, just trying to take classes full time while working a dumb catering job. I had a lot of anxiety and I was depressed. I hated myself, I slept all the time, I stopped going to school, I felt lonely, it was winter (my mood is greatly affected by the weather), I cried every single day and couldn't sleep at night. To top it off I lived in a dark basement. All of these things added up and I was feeling super scared because I've never been THAT down in my whole life. I was constantly feeling like I was a "bad wife" and other negative things that I had made up in my head.
2. After a good 5 months of that (Jan-May 2013) I moved out of Logan and into McKay's parents house.
2. After a good 5 months of that (Jan-May 2013) I moved out of Logan and into McKay's parents house.
I felt like I could breathe again. The sun was out, I started exercising a little, I went on an amazing vacation with my family and things were a bit better but not all the way. I felt stuck.
3. Then I came here. It was SO hard getting here, but we made it. I remember walking into our dingy flat for the first time. It's small and pretty ghetto and I thought "what have I done? why are we here?" I felt incredibly homesick at first, but then things started to change. I noticed that my thoughts started to shift to more positive things. I was sleeping better and feeling more inspired by the city. It started to feed my creativity and passion for clothing...something I was lacking in Utah. Then one night after talking with McKay I realized that hadn't done any type of art since high school. I wasn't expressing myself and hadn't in YEARS. YOU GUYS, THIS WAS A MAJOR BREAK THROUGH FOR ME. No wonder I was so depressed and down all the time! I had stopped myself from any kind of creative and emotional outlet. I started to write in my journal whenever I had those negative feelings creeping up again. And you know what? I felt SO GOOD doing it. I love writing! I've also been reading more books and sketching designs and ideas. I feel so much happier and optimistic about myself now. I wouldn't say I'm 100%, but I am so much farther away from how I was a year ago. I would not have gotten this far if it weren't for London and if it weren't for my relationship with McKay. He's an incredible partner. He and I click so well and we have the most fun together, I love him so much. He's helped me through so much crap and I believe through all this we've grown a ton closer. Marriage for me has been a crazy great thing so far, my friends. I'm so happy about it.
4. McKay has been doing so well in school. Every time he comes home from school I can tell he's satisfied with how things are going there. He's getting better and better and I'm really proud of him. He has a light that shines when he is drawing and it validates to me why we are here spending crazy amounts of money. It's all worth it. I know it.
5. I'm definitely a city girl. I was born in a great city and now I'm living in another great city. But that being said, I'm SO excited to come back home to Centerville to see all of you. I'll be home February 15. McKay will be in London still. I'm not sure when I can go back to England, but as soon as I figure out my visa situation I will be back.
In conclusion: I am happy. I'm writing more, I'm reading more, I'm singing more, I'm sketching designs more, I'm seeing things in a new light. I'm so grateful I've had this time to work on myself. I was in absolute hell and now I feel like I can handle things. Again, I'm not 100%, but I'm better and that's great for me.
Love,
your Emi
3. Then I came here. It was SO hard getting here, but we made it. I remember walking into our dingy flat for the first time. It's small and pretty ghetto and I thought "what have I done? why are we here?" I felt incredibly homesick at first, but then things started to change. I noticed that my thoughts started to shift to more positive things. I was sleeping better and feeling more inspired by the city. It started to feed my creativity and passion for clothing...something I was lacking in Utah. Then one night after talking with McKay I realized that hadn't done any type of art since high school. I wasn't expressing myself and hadn't in YEARS. YOU GUYS, THIS WAS A MAJOR BREAK THROUGH FOR ME. No wonder I was so depressed and down all the time! I had stopped myself from any kind of creative and emotional outlet. I started to write in my journal whenever I had those negative feelings creeping up again. And you know what? I felt SO GOOD doing it. I love writing! I've also been reading more books and sketching designs and ideas. I feel so much happier and optimistic about myself now. I wouldn't say I'm 100%, but I am so much farther away from how I was a year ago. I would not have gotten this far if it weren't for London and if it weren't for my relationship with McKay. He's an incredible partner. He and I click so well and we have the most fun together, I love him so much. He's helped me through so much crap and I believe through all this we've grown a ton closer. Marriage for me has been a crazy great thing so far, my friends. I'm so happy about it.
4. McKay has been doing so well in school. Every time he comes home from school I can tell he's satisfied with how things are going there. He's getting better and better and I'm really proud of him. He has a light that shines when he is drawing and it validates to me why we are here spending crazy amounts of money. It's all worth it. I know it.
5. I'm definitely a city girl. I was born in a great city and now I'm living in another great city. But that being said, I'm SO excited to come back home to Centerville to see all of you. I'll be home February 15. McKay will be in London still. I'm not sure when I can go back to England, but as soon as I figure out my visa situation I will be back.
In conclusion: I am happy. I'm writing more, I'm reading more, I'm singing more, I'm sketching designs more, I'm seeing things in a new light. I'm so grateful I've had this time to work on myself. I was in absolute hell and now I feel like I can handle things. Again, I'm not 100%, but I'm better and that's great for me.
Love,
your Emi
Yayayaya I'm so glad to hear you are doing well Emi! I visited you in Logan in March last year and you were low. But so many things added up to put you there, it makes sense. I'm really happy to hear you are writing and sketching and creating again! I'm proud of you guys for getting out. It's so hard. And I'm proud of McKay. He's doing so well. I hope you aren't stuck in Utah for too long. Visas seem to be a joke. I'm in NY til mid March, so if you're still around I'll see you then! I love you Emi!
ReplyDeleteI'm excited to see you Emi, I'm not excited for you to be far away from McKay. You can come see my new little house. I'll be here for ya! Miss you!
ReplyDeleteEmi, I had no idea. Thanks so much for sharing. I'm really glad your becoming more yourself and happy again. I can't wait to see you! Why are you coming back but not Mckay? We should all plan a sleepover at Camille's house!
ReplyDeleteJessie, why are you in NY so long and when do you get back?